Author: Fast Newsletters

FRONT PORCH NEWS

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At the doorway to Spring
The spring real estate market is here. Market confidence is returning, and early signs point to a more active season than we’ve seen in years.
Buyers will have more choice, but still a lot of competition. Sellers will benefit from aggressive positioning.
If you’re considering a move in the next six months, now is the time to meet. Let’s get you ready with plenty of time to do it right. Call or text for an appointment.

555-333-2222

An ‘Irish’ Real Estate Joke
A man in Dublin proudly told his friend, “I got this house for half what it’s worth!”
“How?” asked the friend.
“The owner said it had ‘character.’”
“And?”
“It does. The doors stick. The floors slope. And the plumbing argues with you.”
The friend nodded. “Ah. So, you paid full price then.”

HAPPY

MARCH 17

What would you name your home?
Whimsical or legacy?
In parts of England, many old houses have names instead of numbers: Rose Cottage, The Elms, Holly House. Before street grids and postal codes, naming wasn’t decorative so much as practical. If you lived past the old oak tree at Rose Cottage, that was enough direction.
Naming houses is not only a European practice. In Japan homes can be connected to nature with names like Pine Pavilion. In the Middle East, houses have taken family names, as in The House of Al-___. In China, family compounds of multiple homes took on clan names. The tradition crossed to North America, where you find historic named homes such as Casa Loma, Stonehaven, and Fallingwater.
Naming is common for large estates. A well-known example is Mar-a-Lago, meaning "Sea to Lake," built in the 1920s by socialite Marjorie Merriweather Post as her residence. It now operates as a private club and residence of the US President. Similarly, in Canada, Rideau Hall, located by the Rideau River, began as a private home in 1838, built for Scottish stonemason Thomas McKay. Today, it serves as the official residence of the Governor General of Canada.
Naming is a form of anchoring. With a name, a house becomes a place, not just a structure. Numbers are efficient, but names are narrative. What would you call your home?

A fix for stagnant listings…
If your house has a for sale sign in front of it, but is sitting quietly unsold, how do you breathe new life into the listing? Here are 9 strategic fixes that can help. Read now or text for a copy.

Are empty houses really a “crisis?”
Millions of homes sit empty across the country — dark windows, silent hallways, lawns left to grow wild — and yet everywhere you look, people are talking about a housing crisis. What gives?
Yes, there are a surprising number of vacant homes. Recent data show nearly 15–16 million homes are technically unoccupied. In the US that equates to roughly 10% of the total housing stock. That sounds dramatic. It is dramatic. But here’s the part the headlines don’t explain.
Many of those homes are second properties, short-term rentals, seasonal homes, units between tenants, or homes in the process of being sold. Some are being held for retirement plans or future generations. Others simply aren’t in livable condition — or aren’t located where today’s buyers want to live.
Vacancy is also a moving target. A home can be empty in March and occupied in May. Not every dark window represents a long-term problem.
That said, in high-demand cities, long-term vacancies have sparked debate. Some municipalities have introduced vacant-home taxes to nudge owners toward renting or selling. Supporters call it responsible housing policy. Critics call it government overreach. As always, the truth depends on where you stand.
If you’re holding a vacant property and wondering what to do, spring is the season when buyers come out in force, a perfect time to sell at the best price. Give me a call — let’s talk strategy.

George and Lee drink coffee. Susan and Don drink soda. Using logic, is Selena more likely to drink coffee or soda?

March Quiz Question

Here's a useless fun fact you'll want to try yourself
You can’t fold an ordinary piece of paper more than eight times. (I couldn't even get six)
Even with a large sheet, paper hits a limit quickly. Each fold doubles the thickness, which makes the sheet harder to bend and smaller to handle. That rapid buildup is the main obstacle.
In 2002, a high school student managed 12 folds using a massive roll of toilet paper. With a normal sheet, eight stays the practical ceiling, no matter how determined you are.

“He’s mad as a march hare” said the Cheshire Cat
This time of year, you might hear the phrase “mad as a March hare.” The phrase dates from the 16th century, long before Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. It refers to the unusual behavior of European brown hares during their spring mating season.
In March, hares box, leap, and chase one another in what looks like erratic, almost frantic behavior. Observers once thought they were fighting wildly or acting irrationally. That they were crazy or mad. The image became so vivid that the expression entered common speech — immortalized by Lewis Carroll.

Spring Equinox is March 20th Easter is April 5th

March 2026 Your Name | 555-555-5555

Thank you, friends!
Thank you to all of you who you have been part of my business world. A special shout-out this month to…
Thank you name 1
Thank you name 2
Thank you name 3

Quiz Contest-Win a FREE Coffee Card
Email me the answer to the question on page 2. Put the word QUIZ in the subject line. email@emailaddress.com
Last month's Q&A: You are trying to get out of a room alive. There are 3 exit doors. Behind door one is a lake of boiling lava. Behind the second are zombies who eat brains. Behind the third are huge lions who have not eaten for a year. Which door do you take? Door 3. The lions would all have died by now.
Congratulations to last month’s winner!

Spring Wonderland Word Search

Do anti-inflammation diets have any real effect?
Anti-inflammatory diets rarely deliver fireworks. What they often deliver is subtler: fewer afternoon crashes, less stiffness when you stand up, clearer thoughts and more energetic mornings.
Chronic inflammation tends to feel like background noise (like fatigue, aches, brain fog), so when it calms down, you may not notice a single dramatic shift.
You just realize you’re moving through the day with less friction. For many people, that steady easing over time makes the change feel real. Give it time. Google 30-day anti-inflammatory diets.

Trees really do talk
Scientists have confirmed that trees share resources through underground networks. Botanists used isotopic tracing to tag carbon molecules in one tree and later saw those markers in neighboring trees connected by mycorrhizal fungi. Trees linked by networks exchanged nutrients; isolated trees did not.
Why does it matter? Forests are among the planet’s most effective carbon managers. They absorb carbon dioxide, release oxygen, and stabilize ecosystems that support human life. Understanding how trees cooperate helps us know how to better protect them and us.

Lifesaving desert lasers
In Saudi Arabia’s vast Nafud Desert, the government has installed solar-powered laser beacons near water wells. The beams shoot straight up and can be seen for many miles. It's low-tech, easily maintained, and lifesaving.
Deserts are vast, disorienting, and unforgiving. People die because they can’t find water. In that context, a vertical beam of light is about responsibility among a people attuned to the dangers of vast deserts.
There’s something deeply satisfying in the use of technology that simply works as intended without hype or a profit-motive.

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Should you buy a house now? A simple decision tree
Whether you rent or own (& thinking about moving), you need to run the decision through three vital questions:
Will buying put me in a better financial position in the future? If yes, buy, but only if it passes Question #3.
Will buying make me happier? Buy, but only if it also passes Questions #1 & 3.
Will I need to make more money or work longer to make the purchase work? Slow down. More analysis is needed. If you’ll need to earn more, where is that money coming from, and how certain is it?
If you're young and starting a solid career with real prospects, you can make a case for a modest stretch.
If you plan to use the property to generate income, run a profit-and-loss analysis. Let the numbers talk.
If a lump sum gift or inheritance is realistically on the way, buying may be a smart place to put it.
If you have equity and this is the best use of it, then go ahead. Maybe that was the plan all along.
It’s almost always better to buy the home you can comfortably afford at your current stage of life. A stretch can make sense, but only when there are strong indicators your income will grow or you have reliable secondary income. Call me to move forward.

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This newsletter is for entertainment purposes only. Images are sourced from Canva.com. This information is solely for entertainment, and should not be substituted for medical, legal, financial or tax advice. Do not hold us responsible for actions you take without proper medical, financial, legal or tax advice. This is not intended as a solicitation of listed property.